He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
