I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
