At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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