how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
