Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
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All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
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Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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