True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
