I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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