I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
