She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
