He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
