i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Randomize
