Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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