That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
