One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
