When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
This house was built for laser tag.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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