My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
