she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
