if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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