I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
