The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
