Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My penis needs a shock collar
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
