I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize