i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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