I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
