and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
