Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
