I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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