What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
