Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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