It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
