Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I believe in your delicious
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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