Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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