You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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