you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
