I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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