Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
