What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
