The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
