I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
