i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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