I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
