Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
