i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
