I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I understand Curling. That high.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Randomize
