I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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