I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
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It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
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That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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