I love black thongs
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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