put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
