I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
