Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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