if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
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So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
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The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...