I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...