why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?