oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
