I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If I die, sorry about rent.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
