Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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