just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
