ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
