She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
