i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
