apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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