Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
