Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
