i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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