ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
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He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
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You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
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