A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
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What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
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Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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