I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
ok first of all what the fuck
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
