Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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