Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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