omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
