Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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