so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
